say i'm gonna buy a gun

Tue, 09 May 2006 15:44:29 GMT

what the fuck is wrong with me, I am NOT like this
I hate being like this

I hate waiting for something that shows to resolution.

you'd miss me if I was gone.

Wed, 03 May 2006 01:19:18 GMT

I just spilled my heart

Mon, 01 May 2006 13:25:53 GMT

So my life is really wierd lately.

I seem to mess everything up when I don't know what everything is. This situation is happenning again and I seriously want to die. I hate waiting for people to get over their senses and realize what is good for them...why do I hate people like that, because i'm just like that and all I want you to do is open your eyes and see that I don't want to hurt you.

I'm saying all this not even realizing what my feelings are...well I know what they are but...i'm just so confused with everything in my life lately. Nothing in my life is going the way I want it too, and if it does I do something to mess it up. I wish I could just get a grip on life, slow down, and realize what is good. I've been really 'single' since Feburary or so. And when I say single I mean not having a serious relationship, and to tell the truth I miss it terribly. I miss not having someone to call when something stupid and insignificant happens in my life. I miss being able to hold ONE person who cares about me. I miss being able to look like shit and having someone who won't care. I miss being shameless.

Maybe i'm asking too much.
I hate being a girl.

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 05:11:11 GMT

why do I always go back to you?

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 15:57:44 GMT

I want somebody to live for...

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 17:26:36 GMT

I alwyas wonder why I feel the need to be with people all the time, and I mean in relationships. It's like, I love being single and alone but my heart needs to be close with someone. I really hate it because that is how I get hurt. I want something concrete. I hate myself all the time.

I have a headache and my hair sucks everything that there is to be sucked...haha.

So i'm getting a lot of shit for stupid reasons. I wish people would just stay the hell out of my life for one day...I love how so many people hate me but can't stay the hell out of my life.

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 02:29:32 GMT

I am so confused right now. I want to tell you so much, but i'm so scared of scaring you away. God fucking damnit. Life sucks.

So i'm finally home, whooooopdeeeedoooo. It was a nice ride with my little sister, she is amazing sometimes...other times, not so much. We got home and I took off almost right away and went to go hang out with Keri. We went to wal-mart and shit. Someone called me, I was nervous...what the fuck. So then we drove around, because I had my car, only for tonight though because I have dealer plates on it from Penn. so I can't be driving it around.

Tomorrow I have a ton of shit to do. Hopefully I can have some much needed hang out time.

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 17:36:44 GMT

Wow, it is fucking 1:32 in the afternoon and I havn't left my dad's yet. I was supposed to leave at 8 in the morning and I was supposed to get to South Hadley at around noon, but no. I want to goto Cabot Street tonight but of course that isn't going to happen if I wait any fucking longer. I want to strangle my dad, he can never do anything on time, he always has to be late and drunk. God damnit, I need a ciggarette wicked bad.

public for a change

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 06:09:30 GMT

I'm going to make this public, I really have nothing to hide anymore.

Hi, I don't like livejournal that much, I would rather greatestjournal anyday but it is dead. I love the beautiful people on it, just no one updates and it is insane. It used to be the best place, now i'm stuck here and on myspace.

So i'm in new york...and it just so happens that everything that could happen happened this week, when i'm 4 hours away from my house. Whatever, shit like this always happens to me.

And I don't know what to think about you when i'm so far away. Nothing measures up to being next to someone instead of miles and miles away. What the fuck am I doing, I don't even know how you feel about me...

Woww, i'm fucking emotional sometimes. Okay so tomorrow I should be leaving around 8am and getting in mass sometime around noon. I hope, my dad is so fucking crazy and always takes his time, I might not even leave till noon...I have no clue, all I know is I want to go home and hang out with keri and maybe even cry.

I got high tonight, not as high as I would like to of got but I did nontheless. Me and my cousin smoked the rest of a bowl we found, I cleaned it and we smoked the residue, what a wonderful night to end a pretty awesome week.

Tomorrow i'm going to goto a show, maybe with Keri, I don't know. I want to get out and see people tomorrow. I'll pay for anyone to go with me. I need to see people.

I love how you prove me wrong everytime.